POSITION:   Mom

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term team player needed for challenging permanent work in an often
chaotic environment.  Candidate must possess
excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel
required, including
trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports
tournaments in far away cities.   Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
For the rest of your life.   Must be willing to be hated at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5.  Must be willing to bite
tongue repeatedly.   Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack
mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three
seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not
someone
just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish
toilets and stuck zippers.   Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars
and coordinate production of multiple homework
projects.  Must also have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for
clients of all ages and mental outlooks.   Must be
willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,
plastic toys and battery operated devices.   Must
always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume
final, complete accountability for the quality of the end
product.   Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none.  Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating
your skills, so that those in your charge can  ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting base.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay THEM, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption
that
college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.   The oddest thing about
this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you
could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance,
pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays, job supplies or stock
options are offered, there are limitless opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Retirement permits you to watch your own children handle this job on
their own and permits you
the luxury and opportunity to assist in chaos and confusion.

"M"
is for the million things she gave me,

"O"
means only that she's growing old,

"T"
is for the tears she shed to save me,

"H"
is for her heart of purest gold;

"E"
is for her eyes, with love-light shining,

"R"
means right, and right she'll always be,

Put them all together, they spell

"MOTHER,"

A word that means the world to me.

Howard Johnson (c. 1915)

In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year.

In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.

Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.

And a Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers,
Al and Doris