A - B - C - D - E - F - G

H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P

Q - R - S - T - U and V,

W - X - Y and Z

Now I know my A - B - C's

Next time won't you sing with me?

Matt readies for Kindergarten

*Answer found at bottom of page:
                                                                             

Studying

Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night studying. The time should be budgeted in the following manner:

5 minute looking for assignment
11 minues calling a friend for the assignment
23 minutes explaining to parents why the teacher is mean and just does not like children
8 minutes in the bathroom
10 minutes getting a snack
7 minutes checking the TV Guide
10 minutes getting comfortable
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the homework
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment

Math

What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?   Geometry !

What do you have to know to get top grades in geometry? All the angles !

What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic? Multipliers !

Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. "What is this 45 in math?" asked her father. "I think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!

If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges

Geography

What birds are found in Portugal ? Portu-geese !

Name three famous poles ?
North, south and tad !

What is an island ?
A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
On one side ?
Yes,
on top !

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead ?  I didn't even know he was sick !

What are the small rivers that run into
the Nile ?
The juve-niles !

Teacher: What are the Great Plains ?
Pupil:  747, Concorde and F-16 !

Teacher: Where is the English Channel ?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down

History

Teacher: Do you know the 20th President of the United States ?
Pupil:  No, we were never introduced !

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday. Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else !

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ?
He was afraid that if he sat down someone would give him an oar to row !

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ?
I don't know, I wasn't invited !

Teacher:  What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party ?
Pupil:  T-Shirts!

Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independance signed ?
Pupil:  At the bottom !

Wish I had been born 1000 years ago.   Why is that?  Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn !

Teacher:  Who was the biggest thief in
history ?
Pupil: Atlas, he held up the whole world !

What did Noah do for a job ? He was an arkitecht!

What kind of lights did Noah use for the ark ? Floodlights !

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt ? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court !

The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon. How many galleons did they get to the mile !

Teacher:  What did Paul Revere say when he got on his horse?
Pupil:  Giddy up horsey !

Science

When I die, I'm going to leave my brain to science. That's nice. Every little bit helps.

TEACHER: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
PUPIL: To get to the other slide.

TEACHER: Can you tell me what death is?
PUPIL: Patrick Henry's second choice.

TEACHER: Name a conductor of electricity.
PUPIL: Why er…
TEACHER: Wire is right. Name a unit of electrical power.
PUPIL: What?
TEACHER: The watt is absolutely correct.

TEACHER: How did Edison's invention of electricity affect society?
PUPIL: If it weren't for' him, we'd have to watch television by candlelight!

What is the difference between ammonia and pneumonia? Ammonia comes in bottles, pneumonia comes in chests.

Music

PUPIL (after singing a song horribly): How did you like my execution?
MUSIC TEACHER: I'm all in favor of it.

I didn't say your voice was out of this world I said it was unearthly.

You have a fine voice. Don't spoil it by   singing.

Of course your voice is pure. You strain it   every time you sing.

MUSIC TEACHER: Now, please sing the scale.
STUDENT: Do re mi fa sol la _ do.
MUSIC TEACHER: You left out the "ti."
STUDENT: I know every time I try to hit a high note, my voice sinks.
MUSIC TEACHER: Again you left out the "t."

Why did Fred bring a ladder to the assembly program? The music teacher asked him to sing higher.

PUPIL (after playing the piano): I've never had a lesson in my life and I can prove it.
MUSIC TEACHER: Never mind, you just did.

The class laughed when I sat down at the piano with my hands tied behind my back. They didn't know I played by ear.

I LIKE SCHOOL BECAUSE

* I can learn a lot of nice things

* I can play with my friends at reccess

*I can do a lot of art and take it home for my mom to see.

*I can be part of the basketball team

*I get to learn about other countries, and I can write all the stories I want.

* I can improve my spelling so I can be a writer some day.

* I don't want to be illiterate

* I can learn new things and then teach them to my baby brother

Kids are wonderful! Leave it to our little ones to give us a different perspective on everyday life.

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.

My 1st teacher was my Mother

My Mother taught me Logic...
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX... "How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE..
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home.

And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE...
"one day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."

first day of school

There is another trap in this problem. If you saw up a piece of wood, you lose the sawdust. Hence, the answer is just a little bit less than 4 ounces each piece.